Die, Harkness, Die!
by PyromaniacSchizophrenic
Summary: Jack hasn't done anything wrong today. So why is it that he gets murdered walking home from work? And who is Lord Voldemort? Rated T because it's Jack and 19-year-old Marauders.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: hello people of the world! I know this will seem crazy, but once I get it under control, it will all make perfect sense. Enjoy:)**

**Disclaimer: if Torchwood was mine, Owen, tosh, and Ianto wouldn't have died and Jack wouldn't have left. If Harry Potter was mine, all the good guys would still be alive, the bad guys would be dead, and McGonnagal would have left Malfoy as a ferret in book 4.**

Captain Jack Harkness was not having a very good day. His new job at Torchwood 3 was killing him. Literally. Apparently, since he couldn't _truly_ die, he was expendable. So, when there was a Weevil, or anything else, coming through the Rift, he had to go contain it. He had had his throat ripped out by one of the aforementioned Weevils. So no, Jack was not having a good day.

So, imagine what he thought when he was walking home and got murdered. He didn't even _do_ anything. He was just . . . walking. Then he heard some nutter say something in some language he hadn't even heard of (which is saying something), saw a flash of green light, and died. For the second time that day.

Jack woke up with a sharp intake of breath. He sat up and looked around. _Looks like someone had the decency to move me out of the middle of the street, _he thought. Although where they did have the decency to move him was a complete mystery. Because it was _not_ a morgue.

He stood up and walked out the door. The fact that walking around when you're supposed to be dead probably wasn't a good idea didn't occur to him until he turned the corner and saw a very good looking redhead, who looked to be about 19.

"Well, hello there. Captain Jack Harkness. And who are you?"

The redhead looked up. "James, we have a problem!" she called over her shoulder.

"What is it, Lily?" asked a black haired boy, who also looked about 19.

"He is," the girl, apparently called Lily, answered, pointhing at Jack.

The boy- James- looked at Jack.

"I'm gonna get Dumbledore," he told Lily, before turning and walking briskly down the corridor.

"So, Lily-"

"I'm engaged," she said, cutting him off.

"Never stopped me."

She raised her eyebrow.

"My fiance would kill you. Speaking of which, Voldemort actually did kill you, so why are you still here? How are you still here?"

"Anyone ever tell you you talk a lot?" Jack asked, ignoring her questions.

"James's best mate, Sirius, yeah."

"But just so you know, death threats usually don't stop me either."

Lily's eyebrow reached a dangerously high level. However, she was saved from answering when James returned with some old dude in his wake.

"So, what seems to be the problem, Miss Evans?" he asked, his blue eyes twinkling like they were made of stars. Jack didn't trust him.

"James and I were doing a sweep of Cardiff Bay area, and we saw Voldemort kill this guy. I mean, we checked him for a pulse and everything. He was definitely dead."

"Well. Obviously not, as he is standing right in front of the three of us currently," Dumbledore said.

"That's the point, sir. He was dead. He had no pulse. He was hit with the Killing Curse. But now, he's not dead," James said.

"Or deaf," Jack added. "I can hear every word you guys are saying. Now, who the hell is Voldemort?"

Jack, Lily, James, Dumbledore, and some guy named Sirius all sat around a table, talking about the magical war.

"So Voldemort's just this . . . weird snake guy? And he and his followers, called Death Eaters, are out to kill anybody who isn't pureblood, which means no non-magic blood in there bodies? Right?" Jack summed up.

"Pretty much, yeah," Sirius answered.

"Great. Someone who wants to be a Dalek. Fun."

"What's a Dalek?" Lily asked.

"Evil metal thing. Has a whisk for one arm and a plunger for the other. Believe they're the supreme race. See emotions as weakness. Kills anything that isn't Dalek too. But it's okay. They're all dead." Jack smiled. "The Doctor, Rose, and I made sure of that."

The three young wizards gave him that look that said 'he's insane.' But Jack didnt mind. He was used to it. Dumbledore, however, chuckled lightly.

"Such imagination," he said.

_This is why I don't trust him, _thought Jack. _He thinks the Daleks are funny. Plus, that look in his eye is unnerving. Although, I think I'd like to meet this Lord Voldemort._

**AN: normally, it will only be this one. This is my 1st Harry Potter fic, my first Torchwood fic, and my first crossover. So no flames. Please? But I would like reveiws. They make me smile:)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I sent my friend's pink Spartan penguins to get the Torchwood documents and my orange ninja monkeys for the Harry Potter ones yesterday. No word from either.**

Jack spent the remainder of his day walking around the Order of the Pheonix headquarters, meeting the other members. Dumbledore had decided that, while he had no magical abilities, he was incredibly useful. Jack figured it was due to the fact that he was immortal. He decided he'd have to talk to the guy about it._ If he thinks for one minute he can use me as a bullet shield he's gonna need to have his brain checked,_ he thought. Once everyone started packing up to go home, he started hunting Dumbledore down. After all, he had no idea where he was, how he got there, or why nobody had let him go home.

Dumbledore was talking to James, Lily, and Sirius on the balcony adjacent to the top floor bedroom. Jack stayed out of sight, listening to the conversation. _It's not eavesdropping, _he reasoned. _I'm just . . . getting answers. By hiding behind a door._

"Professor-" James started.

"Ah, ah," Dumbledore cut in. "I'm not your professor anymore."

"Okay, anyway, don't you think that this might be just a bit reckless?"

"Prongs! Are you becoming _sensible?_ I DON'T KNOW YOU ANYMORE!" Sirius exclaimed.

Jack had to use all his self-control _not _to blow his cover and laugh. That attitude would be very helpful at Torchwood. But it would also make people want to kill him. The thought only made him want to laugh harder.

"Not sensible, Pads. I'm just thinking through the consequences."

There was a beat of silence before Sirius said anything else.

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!" he screamed.

Lily sighed in exasperation. Jack could practically _hear _her roll her eyes.

"Look, he was dead. Now he's not dead. Why should we trust him?"

Jack's smile faded quickly.

"James," Lily said, "you just don't trust him because he tried to hit on me."

Another beat of silence.

"My point exactly, he can't be trusted."

In the end, Jack had lost his self-control when Sirius decided James was only upset with Jack's hitting on Lily because he wanted Jack all to himself. Lily probably would have killed Jack if Sirius hadn't started doing impersonations of James swooning over him; James had been hitting Sirius, which had only made him swoon even more. Dumbledore, however, had been chuckling lightly.

"Ah, the youth of today," he had said.

"Youth?" Jack had asked indignantly. "I'll bet I'm older than you!"

This had made everyone laugh at him. He hadn't minded, he was used to it. Besides, it was awful hard to believe that a guy who looked to be in his late 20s was older than an old guy with a _very _long beard. So yeah, the laughing hadn't bothered him.

So after that, Dumbledore had decided that Jack could stay with the three young wizards (this annoyed James and Lily. Sirius seemed delighted) at their place. It turns out that they had brought him to London, which confused Jack. After all, a trip from Cardiff to London could not have been completed before he woke up without the TARDIS. Yet there they were.

So now the four sat around talking about various things. When James and Lily left to go to bed, jack and Sirius stayed behind.

"Not going to bed?" Jack asked.

"Neither are you," Sirius pointed out.

"I don't need to."

Sirius stared at him.

"What?" he asked defensively.

Sirius shook his head.

"So, trying to make a move on Evans, huh?"

"Who?"

"Lily," he explained.

"Oh, yeah. Why?"

"Anyone. You could have tried to sleep with anyone in the entire HQ, and you chose _Evans_?"

"Okay. First, I could have slept with anyone I wanted to. I can sleep with anyone I want to. Second, yes, Lily. She's hot. It's perfect."

"You don't know her," Sirius mumbled. "So, a real ladies' man, huh?"

"Ladies, men, alien life forms whose sex I really don't know."

"Dude, that's disgusting."

"No, dude, it's _great._"

**AN: Here it is! Second chapter, crazy like the rest of the story will be. Like any other author on this site, I wanna know what you think. So, review. Or I will find you. Who knows? I could be at your door right now, and I won't leave until you give me a review. . . .**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: ****Uhhh . . . So, the penguins and monkeys came back. They had the documents. But then the evil Samurai gummy bears came, and now I don't have the documents anymore. . . .**

Dumbledore came to Godric's Hollow early the next morning to inform Jack that he coud not return to work.

"Alright, listen here. I have to go. I don't care that I was killed wallking home. I've been killed tons of times before. I'll survive," Jack argued.

"Talk about serious contradictions," James muttered. Lily silenced him with a glare that could have killed.

"I'm afraid we can't risk it, Mr. Harkness," Dumbledore said calmly.

"Captain. Captain Jack Harkness. And what are you going to tell the Torchwood team? They already know I can't die."

"I already took care of it. They believe you went on a vacation to America."

"And why can't I go back?"

"You may prove useful."

"In what way?"

"There's a war going on, and we need for it to end. Your inability to die will make you a target which Voldemort will not stop seeking. I am deeply sorry for your unwilling involvement but I'm afraid there's nothing I can do."

Jack was silent. He wanted to argue, but he knew Dumbledore was right.

"I have one more question," Jack said. "Last night, you told me Voldemort was looking for the secret to immortality. What if I told him that I can't die, but only because of something that happene over a hundred years ago?"

"He would ask what happened, and how to do it so he could do it himself."

"I was killed. For real. And my friend brought me back. But she lost control. Now I can't die. Not ever."

****

Jack, James, Sirius, Lily, and somebody named Remus were hiding in the bushes looking in on a old, creepy looking mansion. The plan about to be executed was completely Jack's idea. This means it was in no way foolproof, intelligent, or failsafe, but it would work anyway.

"So, just to reiterate, Jack going to just walk into that house and start talking to Voldemort?"Remus asked skeptically.

"Yup," Jack replied.

"And what're you armed with?"

"Overconfidence, mostly. But I do have this," he said, pointing to his wriststrap.

"A watch?"

"Well, it was a vortex manipulator. I burned it out after the Game Station."

"So, in other words, your going to get yourself killed."

"But I'll be back," Jack stated, like he'd done this so many times before.

Remus rolled his eyes, but didn't really have anything to say. Jack, recognizing victory, got up and walked right in through the front door.

Upon entry, it was quite clear he was walking in on something very important. There were lots of people in hoods and masks gathered at the table. At the head of said table was a very pale freak who did, in fact, look like a snake. But before Jack's mind could fully process this fact, he saw a flash of green before his world was enveloped into blackness.

**AN: CLIFFHANGER! HAHAHAHA! And I know, it's short, but I couldn't think of anywhere else to end it. I'm evil, I know. But admit it, you love me. So everyone shower me with love and reviews! Go ahead, push the button. I'll give you a virtual cookie. Or maybe a virtual muffin. Now I want a real muffin. So I'll go make myself a muffin and you tell me what flavor virtual muffin you want. In a review:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: ****Give me Torchwood and Harry Potter, or face my Magical Spork of Doom! Ha, haha . . . where are you taking me? Let go of me this instant or-hey is this room made of sponge?**

Voldemort looked at the intruder in confusion. He was dead. He could have sworn he killed him. He had done so personally. So how is it that he was in front of him, lying dead, yet again.

The Dark Lord's musings were interrupted when the stranger woke. The Death Eaters stared at the man, previously dead, now sitting in front of them, looking perectly healthy.

"Hello, Captain Jack Harkness. Can anyone tell me where I can find a Lord Voldemort?" the stranger, apparently called Harkness, asked.

****

Jack awoke to a bunch of masked freaks in hooded cloaks staring at him. They stood there looking at him like he shouldn't exhist. Although, considering they just watched him die and come back again, he couldn't blame them. But when there looks implied that _he_ was the freak, he decided it was time to speak up. So he introduced himself. Asked where Voldemort was. This was a mistake. They looked like they would kill him for speaking to them. This was where he figured he should speak up.

"By the way, kill me all you want. I just come back. I don't stay dead. Kind of annoying, actually," he explained.

"Your invincible," said a high-pitched voice, the body to which was hidden by the masked freaks.

"Yes, Mr. Magical Mystery Voice Man," Jack answered. "I am invincible."

"Tell me how," Mr. MMVM demanded.

"Show me your face," Jack retorted.

"How dare you speak to the Dark Lord in that way?" asked one of the freaky-deaks in a mask. It sounded female, but Jack couldn't be sure.

"So your Señor Snake-Face?" Jack questioned.

"Move out of my way. I want to see the immortal Mudblood who dares insult me in this way."

At this command, the cloaked crowd parted like the Red Sea, giving Jack a clear view of Lord Voldemort for the first time. His pupils were slitted, like a cat's, while his nose had been reduced to two slits. Jack wondered what had happened to him. Not like it mattered.

"Oh, ho ho. What planet did you come from? Because it was most definitely _not_ Earth," Jack laughed.

"You dare mock me, the Dark Lord?"

"Not really dark are you? I mean, your white as paper. Seriously, when was the last time you stepped into the sun? 50 years ago?"

"Silence! Now, you have seen my face. Tell me how you became immortal, or I shall kill you again."

"Why do yo wanna know so bad?" Jack asked.

Voldemort told his cult to go, leaving him alone with Jack.

"I am looking for a way to become invincible, so I can take over the world and destroy all filthy Mudloods like yourself. But, as I can't kill you, you get to live, working by my side, in a world of Purebloods ruled by two men who can never die."

"You done yet? Cuz I stopped listening once you got to the 'take over the world' part." Jack deadpanned.

Voldy looked at him. "That was at the beginning," he sputtered.

"Yeah, well, last time I've dealt with power crazy beings before, they're all the same. Take over the world, set criteria for the perfect race, eliminate anyone and everyone who doesn't fit the criteria. Between the Daleks and the Nazis, I've had enough of that to last forever. Or the rest of my life. They both mean essentially the same thing."

"I do not care. Tell me how you became immortal."

"What, so you can do it?"

"Yes."

"Well, you know what? Unless your designated driver's about to die and your other companion's hyped up on the powers of the Time Vortex in a desperate attempt to save the designated driver but has no way to control it and brings you back to life, you're screwed. Sorry."

Voldemort stared at him. "CRUCIO!"

Jack suddenly felt as if he was in agony. He crumpled to the ground, screaming at the pain unlike any he had ever felt before. _Why can't I just die already?_ he thought. _I can't take any more of this._

And then, it stopped. Just like that. He wasn't sure what happened, but he was glad it was over.

"Interesting," Voldemort remarked.

"That was _you?"_ Jack gasped.

"Yes."

"I hate magic."

"So you still feel pain?"

"Yes. Newsflash: the guy that doesn't die still feels it when he gets BURNED ALIVE_."_

"Then the magic by which you live does not interest me."

"You know, even though you feel pain and all that, you heal really quick, and you get into places and hear things. Since your thought to be dead and everything. Unfortunately, the Doctor left, and he's the only chance we would have at immortalizing you with the Vortex, I'm the only chance you have of getting all that information."

Voldemort thought this over for a moment.

" I like your mind, Harkness. How did it get like that?"

"Once a con-man, always a con-man. So, do we have a deal?"

"Yes. I believe we do."

**AN: Now, whatever has our beloved Jack gotten into this time? I'm so sorry it took this long, but ff.n wasn't letting me update. Review, and I might give you another chapter today. I know you're reading this. I have more usernames Alerting than reviewing. Why can't we just do both? Just hit that pretty blue button . . . go ahead. . . . **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own the guilt of killing my best friend's monkey baby. But not Torchwood. Or Harry Potter.**

Jack was not in a good mood. After Mr. Snake-Man had agreed to using Jack as a spy, he decided to get him a uniform. Also known as the freaky hooded robe things which Jack found _very _unattractive. The conversation (or argument, if you prefer) went thus:

"I'm not wearing those."

"You are a Death Eater, now. You will wear the robes."

"I'm a spy. If I wear the Death Eater robes, the Order will know I am a Death Eater."

"You will wear the robes."

"I know they're against you and all, but they are smart enough to put two and two together. They will know that the man in Death Eater robes is a Death Eater."

"My Death Eaters wear their robes when they go on missions for me. You will, too."

"Listen, I have been in some form of military my whole life. I know tact. If you send one of your men into enemy territory as a spy, you do not send him in his uniform. So no, I will not wear the robes."

"Wear the robes, or I will use the Crutiatus Curse on you."

"The who what now?"

"The curse that I used on you that made you feel pain."

"Ohh, the one that made me feel like I was burning alive. I remember now. I didn't know it actually had a name."

"Yes. It is one of the three Unforgivable Curses. They are illegal."

"I can see why."

"So you will wear the robes, then?"

"No."

"Crucio."

"Okay, okay, _okay._ I will wear the robes."

"Good."

~o.O.o~

And that's how the sunrise found Jack in unflattering robes and hideous mask. After having the feeling of being burned alive. Twice. So no, he was _not_ in a good mood. But, at least he still had it. He had gone so long without a decent con, he wasn't sure he'd be able to pull this one off. Especially after Dumbledore explained that Voldemort had been in Slytherin, the House for the cunning. But, as it turned out, he needn't have worried. He would always be a conman. And that thought cheered him up, if only minimally.

So Jack walked into the Order's HQ with complete confidence, seeming to forget he should be careful. Although, since for all intents and purposes he was bulletproof, that didn't really matter. But he still should have been just a bit cautious. Because as soon as he walked through the door, about a dozen curses were fires at him. He only just ducked down in time.

"Guys? What the hell was that all about?" he asked as he got back up. And then it clicked. "Still wearing the robes, aren't I?"

"Jack?" asked Lily uncertainly.

"Yeah. The Dark Lord-or whatever it is his followers call him-didn't understand the definition of tact. I figured I should just stop arguing with him." He paused for a minute. Then he started laughing. "Ah, who am I kidding. I would've kept arguing with him. He just cheated. You know, torture, while an effective method of persuasion, is not actually a fair way of winning an argument."

Everyone looked at him. Well, I say looked. In truth, they all sent him those stares that say _he's mad. _But Jack didn't mind. He knew he could be considered mad in most time cultures. He was, after all, from the 51st century.

"Yeah, Jack? Would you mind taking off the hood and mask? They're very unnerving," said Remus.

"Oh, sorry," Jack said, taking off the mask and hood as asked.

"Am I correct in assiming this plan wass successful, then?" asked Dumbledore, stepping out to join the crowd.

"Yeah," Jack replied. "Can someone get me my coat?"

"Why?" Lily questioned.

"I love my coat, that's why."

"Just like Sirius loves his hair," James commented, causing Sirius to cross his arms and pout.

Jack laughed. "Don't worry, Sirius," he said. "The teasing just means they don't understand you. But I do."

"On to more pressing matters," Dumbledore said.

"More pressing than my coat?"

"Or my hair?"

"We need to know what to do, now that we have infiltrated the Death Eater Headquarters," Dumbledore continued, his smile the only thing that gave away his acknowledgement of the interruptions.

"Easy," Jack said. "Feed them false information about the Order, and feed you real information about Snake-Face and his plans."

Lily raised a brow.

"Snake-Face?"

"Yeah."

"What should we tell the Death Eaters, then?" Remus asked, trying to restore sanity.

"Don't worry about it. I got it covered," Jack told him.

"So what are you going to tell them?"

"No clue."

"Oh yeah, you've got it covered."

"Hey, I'm good at coming up with lies on the spot while under pressure."

"And if you accidentally tell them something true?"

"Hey, I was in the Time Agency. And then I was a conman. All I've _done_ my whole life is lie. Even at Torchwood, I can't tell anyone the whole truth. Trust me, we're covered."

**AN: chapter five, done! How awesome is that? I'm doing good! This story is so much fun to write, I just love writing Jack. As always, review, and I'll tell you what the disclaimer means (which is a good deal, it's a very funny story). So, since you haven't laughed enough yet today, push that button. I'll have you laughing for a solid 10 minutes. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Hmmm . . . I have a paper clip, a nickel, some string, and a picture of my new born baby kitten. I don't, however, have Harry Potter or Torchwood.**

After about an hour of a very weird and random conversation between Jack, Lily, and the Marauders, Jack made a very Jack-like suggestion:

"I'm bored. Let's go clubbing."

This suggestion was met with two questioning stares, and two people saying "He's just like Sirius."

"What's clubbing?" Sirius asked.

"Muggle thing," Lily answered.

"We go out, get drunk, and have hot sex with a random stranger. Then we wake up and forget what we did. Just make sure your stranger isn't a freak who wants her name tatooed onto your backside. Tatoo removal is not fun." Jack paused. "Couldn't sit right for weeks."

There was a very long silence. And then . . .

"Awesome!"

"Sirius, you have _got_ to be joking," said Remus(ever the voice of reason).

"What? It sounds like fun. Right, Prongs?"

"James Potter, if you even think about doing this, I will rip you limb from limb, then stuff this ring down your throat. Got it?" Lily threatened.

"Sorry, mate. But I've spent seven years convincing her to go out with me. I'm not going to let her leave me for one night that I won't even remember."

"Seven years? Wouldn't it have been easier to just go for someone else when it became obvious she didn't want to date you?" Jack asked.

"Probably. But I figured if I annoyed her enough, she'd say yes just to shut me up. Then she'd fall in love with me, we'd grow up, get married, and have kids."

"Interesting plan."

"Back to the subject at hand," Sirius said. "Prongs here is too whipped to go. How about you, Moony?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, Siriusly."

Remus banged his head on the table.

"I thought you outgrew that," he said, his voice muffled.

"I did, but you totally set that up. But, really, are you coming?"

"No!"

"Okay!" Sirius put his hands up in surrender. "You didn't have to yell. You don't want to come. I get it."

~o.O.o~

So, now Jack and Sirius were out in some corner bar. Neither knew what it was called, nor did they care. What they did know was that they were too drunk to care where they were. They were so highly intoxicated that they couldn't even remember their names. But even in their highly intoxicated states, they managed to recognize the deathly white face staring in through the front window. They may not have been able to hear the screams of terror, or the cries for mercy, but when they looked up, and saw him staring right at Jack, they knew they were in trouble.

"Ah, hell," Jack whispered.

"Couldn't agree more," Sirius muttered as he stepped through the door.

Standing in the middle of the dance floor, tall and imposing, was Lord Voldemort.

**AN: So, I know it's been forever. But with good reason. Friday and Saturday I had Relay for Life, Sunday I found out the awesomest authority figure in history has cancer, Monday I had a field trip, Tuesday I'm always busy, and the rest of the week was crazy because my little brother was sick, and I didn't have the heart to take the computer from him. As always, review. They keep me running:)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Uhh . . . do all the Harry Potter books count? No? Oh, okay. I don't actually own anything to do with Torchwood, so I can't claim that. The plot's mine, though.**

_But even in their highly intoxicated states, they managed to recognize the deathly white face staring in through the front window. They may not have been able to hear the screams of terror, or the cries for mercy, but when they looked up, and saw him staring right at Jack, they knew they were in trouble._

"_Ah, hell," Jack whispered._

"_Couldn't agree more," Sirius muttered as he stepped through the door._

_Standing in the middle of the dance floor, tall and imposing, was Lord Voldemort._

~o.O.o~

"Harkness," he hissed softly, "what are you doing in the company of this-" he gestured towards Sirius, "-this _filth_?"

"Shh . . . we're bonding. It was gonna be . . . awesome. . . . but you . . . ruined it. . . . Voldy . . . you are . . . never going clubbing . . . with me," Jack said with difficulty. It seemed to take every ounce of his concentration to string two words together.

Voldemort stared at him. Then he raised his wand, pointing it at Jack's chest, and fired the Killing Curse at him.

~o.O.o~

Jack awoke with a sharp intake of breath, completely sober and hangover free. He sat up and looked around. He seemed to be in Death Eater HQ.

"Why does clubbing night always end with me dead?" he asked himself.

"You seemed to be out of the proper state of mind. I could not permit you to tell the Order what we are up to," Voldemort said, stepping out of the shadows.

"I have a proper state of mind?" Jack said.

Voldemort glared murderously.

"I was joking!" Jack said. "Damn, if looks could kill. But even if I had blabbed, he wouldn't remember a word I had said."

"How do you know?"

"Because the point of clubbing is to go out and do something reckless and stupid, just to wake up with a killer headache and no memories of the night before."

"And what did you do with your robes?" he demanded.

"What is this, 20 questions?"

"Where are the robes?"

"Dude, I don't know."

"I will get you a new set. You are going Muggle baiting tonight."

"What's Muggle baiting?"

"You will go to a Muggle street to play," Voldemort answered, before walking out.

"Why do I get the feeling we aren't playing board games?" Jack muttered before walking out.

~o.O.o~

If there was one thing Jack was good at, it was talking his way out of doing something he didn't want to do. But the only trouble was, he wasn't sure what would happen if he tried to this time. He just didn't think he should let Voldemort know he didn't want to go Muggle-baiting, but he did _not _want to kill innocent people. He killed things all the time at Torchwood, but that was different. They were aliens, and they had killed lots of people. Who were innocent. See, this brings us full circle. He was used to killing things that killed others. He hadn't even thought about harming someone without reason since he was in the Agency. And that was more his partner's job, anyway.

But his inner turmoil was cut short when he heard the voice of Bellatrix Lestrange, who would be heading the mission.

"Harkness, time to go," she drawled.

Jack sighed. He put on his mask and followed the other Death Eaters.

They Apparated to a small side road. Jack should have recognized it, but he was still trying to think of a reason not to hurt anyone. But when oe of the Death Eaters brought out a little girl in her night clothes, Jack had no problem recognizing her.

"No," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," someone (probably Bellatrix) drawled. "Did you want a turn?"

"No," Jack said, louder this time. "I don't want a turn, and no-one will hurt her."

"Oh?" said Bellatrix. "Watch me. _Crucio!_"

The little girl started screaming.

"NO!" Jack yelled, ripping off his mask.

"Harkness!" Bellatrix screeched. She lifted the curse.

The little girl looked up, her eyes full of pain. She looked straight at Jack.

"Please, don't let them hurt me anymore."

"I won't, Sweetie. I promise."

"Ugh," said Bellatrix. "This is disgusting." And she started torturing the child again.

"NO! Please, make it stop! DADDY!"

"Hey, Lestrange! Leave her alone!" Jack said, pointing his gun at her.

"Why do you care?" she asked as she lifted the Curse.

"I care because that's my daughter."

**AN: Hey y'all! Long time no see. It's Spring Break, which means more time. Expect another update later this week. But be warned: that'll be it. This is the second-to-last chapter, But there will be an epilogue. So review, make me feel loved, and feel free to give me prompts for other stories. I would love that:)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: What? Why are you looking at me? Oh, you want Torchwood and Harry Potter? No, their respective owners are over that way. Sorry.**

Jack has had a very, very, _very_ weird week. Oddly enough, it hadn't started this way. And when it started to go weird, he had had nothing to do with it. No, it was this guy who had a face like a snake's. He had murdered Jack for no reason other than to kill someone. When Jack woke up, he was told that he was able to do what no-one else could-he could infiltrate Death Eater headquarters and get on Voldemort's good side. So he agreed, thinking it would be better than anything Torchwood could offer. It was sort of like a mission he would've gone on with the Time Agency, just without the totally insane partner. But nothing-not the Agency, not travelling with the Doctor, not Torchwood-could have prepared him for this.

_When one of the Death Eaters brought out a little girl in her night clothes, Jack had no problem recognizing her._

"_No," he whispered. _

"_I'm sorry," someone (probably Bellatrix) drawled. "Did you want a turn?"_

"_No," Jack said, louder this time. "I don't want a turn, and no-one will hurt her."_

"_Oh?" said Bellatrix. "Watch me. Crucio!"_

_The little girl started screaming._

"_NO!" Jack yelled, ripping off his mask._

"_Harkness!" Bellatrix screeched. She lifted the curse._

_The little girl looked up, her eyes full of pain. She looked straight at Jack._

"_Please, don't let them hurt me anymore."_

"_I won't, Sweetie. I promise."_

"_Ugh," said Bellatrix. "This is disgusting." And she started torturing the child again._

"_NO! Please, make it stop! DADDY!"_

"_Hey, Lestrange! Leave her alone!" Jack said, pointing his gun at her._

"_Why do you care?" she asked as she lifted the Curse._

"_I care because that's my daughter."_

Everyone stared at him. Most faces showed confusion, shock, or blatant disbelief. Bellatrix's face showed disgust and resentment. Alice had that poor, pleading, make-it-stop face that would make your heart splinter into millions of tiny pieces. Jack's did.

Silence reigned. It was one of those silences that seem to last forever, no matter how long they truly stretch on. After what seemed like centuries, little Alice spoke up.

"Daddy, is it over?"

"SHUT UP!" Bellatrix shouted, turning her wand onto the young girl.

Alice whimperes in fear and shrank back.

"Bellatrix," Jack snarled.

She ignored him.

"I guess we're going to have to cut this short," Bellatrix said. "I'm sure the Dark Lord will be _very_ interested in why Harkness here stopped us from completing a mission."

And with that she grabbed Jack by the sleeve of his robe and Apparated out.

~o.O.o~

"You. Want. To. Do. _What?" _Voldemort asked. He sounded absolutely murderous. And Jack knew that murderous sounding murderers want nothing more than to murder you. Murderously. With a murder weapon. So, Jack took a deep breath.

"I want to leave."

"No."

"If I left, what would you do to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean-" He paused. _What do I mean?_ he asked himself. "I mean, you can't kill me. I've been told that that's what you do to deserters. You kill them. Right?"

"That is correct."

"So, if you can't kill me, what will you do to me?"

The silence was louder than any Jack had ever sat through. Finally, Voldemort spoke up.

"Torture."

"Okay. But for how long? I live forever, and you probably don't want to spend eternity keeping me from leaving."

More deafening silence.

"You could tell the Order."

"Tell them what? I've only been hear for less than a week. What have I found out that I could tell them?"

At Voldemort's glare, Jack rushed to propose his plan before the wand came out.

"Alright, look. I understand that this is not a job that you can just walk away from. I get it. But, realistically, the only reason for that is the fact that you kill anyone who tries. Now, I have kept hidden my entire past. No matter what condition I'm in, I keep that part secret. I have gotten drunk, I have been killed in some of the most gruesome ways imaginable, and still. _No-one knows what i've been through. _I can keep this secret, too. Please, believe me."

"Define gruesome."

"Beheading. Being burned at the stake. An explosion. Anything that produces lots of blood and pain."

Voldemort thought. Jack waited. Finally, the decision was made.

~o.O.o~

"So, how did you enjoy your vacation, Jack?"

"Crazier than even you can imagine."

**AN: And that's all folks! I will post an epilogue, which will not be funny at all. But, fear not. At the very end, a little treat: a sweet little Janto moment;) So, the more you reiew, the faster I get that up. Fair trade, no? Until next time, my friends. . . . **


	9. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: You're gonna make me say it, aren't you? Fine. No, I do not own Harry Potter or Torchwood. My God, that was hard to say!**

_1 November, 1981_

"Jack, have you seen the paper?" asked Jack's boss.

"No, why?"

"There were two mysterious deaths and one mysterious disappearance last night. We've been called in to help."

She tossed him the paper. The headline read:

_Tragedy Strikes the Potter Home_

Potter. A name he hadn't heard in almost two years. You would think, given how long it had been, that he had forgotten them. But no, he still remembered them. It was actually rather hard to forget. Though he had only known them for roughly a week, James and Lily had been the first two people he had grown close to in a very long time. Not even had his wife been that close to him.

_Maybe it's not them,_ Jack thought. Potter was a common surname, right? But something told him it was the wizard couple that had helped him once, long ago. Upon reading the article,he found that he was right. James and Lily had been killed, and there son was not found at the scene. Authorities had said it was an explosion and the child was there, just not yet found. But something was telling Jack that it was Voldemort.

"I'm going on vacation," Jack said.

"Now?" his boss replied. "Jack, we have to look into this."

"And I have to talk to a friend," he snapped back.

"Ok," she answered.

~o.O.o~

_Late December, 1981_

Jack stared up toward the top of the hill. He saw the ruins, and the sign saying closed for repair. But his instincts just screamed "perception filter." So, he climbed the hill. About halfway up, he remembered his boss wanted a report on the blowfish on her desk the next morning. So, why didn't he turn around? His instincts were telling to keep going. So he did.

When he got to the top, the perception filter broke. For the first time in far to long, Captain Jack Harkness was left breathless at the sight of the scene before him. He didn't know if it was the light from the setting sun reflecting on the lake, or the grounds, or the forest, or possibly the many turrets and towers of the magnificent castle. Possibly even all of them. But it was beautiful.

"Who's there?" came a deep voice from behind Jack. He turned, and was again stunned by the sight. A giant man stood in front of him, with a mane of tangly black hair. But he couldn't just stand there staring. So he stood up straighter, trying to appear threatening to this wild man.

"Captain Jack Harkness. I'm looking for Albus Dumledore."

"Alrigh' then, follow me. I was headed there, anyway."

Jack was confused. This man had seemed so frightening only moments ago, but was helping now. He sighed, and followed.

"Name's Hagrid, by the way. What do yeh wan' Dumbledore fer, anyway?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't really think it concerns you."

"It concerns me ter know how a Muggle like you got in, don' it?"

"Determination. I really needed to talk to Dumbledore. Plus, I just ignored your perception filters. They were pretty powerful, though."

They had arrived at a gargoyle statue. Hagrid didn't seem to want to argue with Jack. Jack was fine with this.

"Acid pop," Hagrid said, confusing Jack. But only momentarily. This was a common strategy at the Agency, so he was quick to retort.

"Pudding," he said.

"what?" Hagrid asked, stepping through an entry way that had not been there before.

"You said something random, so I said something random back," he explained, following him. "Nice escalator," he added, referring to the moving spiral staircase they were standing on.

"Wha's that?"

Jack openend his mouth to explain, but remembered that wizards knew nothing about electricity, so instead said, "Never mind."

they were now standing outside an oak door with a brass knocker. Hagrid rapped on the door, and a calm voice told them to enter. Hagrid beckoned for Jack to go in first.

"Ah, Captain Harkness. It has been far too long," Dumbledore said once Jack had closed the door.

"I'm going to get right to the point," said Jack.

"Yes, please do."

"I heard about two months that James and Lily had died. Is this true?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so."

"I also heard that there son was missing."

"Hagrid picked him up shortly after the incident. He is currently at his aunt and uncle's home."

"The official story is an explosion."

"No, it was not. It was murder."

"I know. It was him, wasn't it? Voldemort?"

"Yes. Do you have any other questions?"

"Just one. Where were they buried?"

~o.O.o~

_31 October, 2007_

Jack stepped through the kissing gate and into the small graveyard. He knew exactly where he was going, and within moments, was in front of the grave he was looking for. He stared at it for a moment before his vision blurred with tears. It wasn't often that he succumbed to tears, but it always happened here. While little kids ran around, dressed like ghosts and vampires, he was here, mourning the loss of two friends.

It was then that he felt the comfort of someone's arms around him. They were strong, but gentle. He knew who it was even before he heard the Welsh accent.

"It'll be alright, sir," came the voice of Ianto Jones, right in his ear.

**AN: I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG! Anyway, I'm all done! First thing's first, thanks to everyone that read this: you get virtual cookies! Next, to all who reviewed/favorited/alerted this story: thank you virtual muffins! Finally, to all of you who waited for ever to get this epilogue: virtual cupcakes (which are just muffins in funny hats). I'm posting another story soon, called There Goes My Life. It will be Doctor Who/Supernatural, so look for that if you're interested. Good-bye, everyone. Love y'all:)**


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